Author: Missy D.
Sex is a part of life that can't be beat. There is nothing quite like the thrill you get from the quivering of your loins and that so-sweet orgasm. Though I use vibrators and other sex toys to bring myself to orgasm, I still struggle with how long it takes me to reach that point.
Exciting My Own Clitoris
I know that one of the quickest ways for me to reach orgasm is to start by getting my clitoris as excited as the rest of me is. All it takes is sticking my finger in just the right place and before I know it I'm well on my way to bliss. But I like to live life in the fast lane, so once my finger comes out my vibrator goes in.
Timing Really Is Everything
Getting yourself to orgasm really just comes down to timing. For most women, it takes about 20 minutes to reach orgasm, but I find it takes me closer to a half hour, if not a little bit longer. I've found that the best way to get the process going is to turn my attention and efforts to foreplay. For me, this sometimes means watching a really erotic porno while other times all I have to do is touch myself in just the right way.
When the foreplay has done its job I mentally prepare myself to reach orgasm. For me, it is hard to live in the moment and let go of whatever mental block I may have that day. My strategy is to think about something, that is to say anything, that helps me relax and let myself go.
Lube Is Your Friend
Don't be embarrassed if you need lube in order to help you reach orgasm. Though I was self conscious about it at first I have come around to the idea that lube makes everything better. Sometimes the anticipation of rubbing lube on my clitoris is enough to keep me primed for orgasm. I can't tell you how many times lube has saved me from being disappointed because I couldn't climax.
Lube isn't just good for your clitoris, it's also fun to use with your sex toys. There have been many times when I took a dildo, covered it in lube, and proceeded to give myself the best orgasm a girl can hope for in the absence of a partner.
Don't Overthink It (easier said than done)
I have an extremely bad habit of overthinking pretty much everything in my life, and orgasms are no exception. I have to keep reminding myself that overthinking not only doesn't help the situation, it just makes it worse.
Using the right breathing techniques you can get the neurotic voice in your head to shut up and let you enjoy yourself. I've found the best way to do this is to close my eyes, take a deep breath and throw myself into the moment. Quelling my anxiety about whether or not I am going to reach climax is one of my biggest struggles in the bedroom.
They say practice makes perfect and I have found that this very much applies to reaching orgasm. The more I allow myself and my partner to explore every inch of my body, the easier it is to determine what will send me over the moon and what will do little to nothing for me sexually. I have gone through a series of vibrators simply looking for my own G-spot, but ever since I found it, reaching orgasm isn't the uphill battle it used to be.
If, like me, you find yourself preoccupied with whether or not you will orgasm, commit to turning yourself on as much as possible. Sexy thoughts, movies, music or anything else that revs up your engine is something worth including in your bedroom activities. Between exploring your own body and letting your partner explore it, finding the best way for you to reach orgasm is better than any homework assignment you ever got in school.
There is no magic amount of time it can or should take to orgasm. It took me a long time to realize that, but now that I have, I feel much more confident in the bedroom. Some women reach orgasm faster than others, and there is no shame in taking a while to get there.
If you are super concerned about how long it takes you to orgasm, take the above mentioned ideas into account. Chances are you will find that this gives you a whole new outlook on your own sexuality. Every woman owes it to herself to figure out what turns her on the most and what she needs in order to reach that much coveted orgasm. Give yourself the gift of sexual freedom; it's one gift you will never want to return.